Thursday, May 11, 2006

Sports Dork: Need More Cowgirl

The Sports Dork Bill Simmons has never been noted for his work ethic. Face it, the dude makes Steve Spurrier look diligent. But the Dork has been especially lazy as of late. His work resembles that of Mike Davis in his last days at Indiana. An resigned coach on his last legs. The current speculation is that he is mailing in the final days of his ESPN contract. Whatever the case, the dude has seemed to cut some corners.

Take the Dork’s recent offering on ESPN, a stale concept that women don’t like fantasy sports. The Dork said that his wife feels the same way about celebrity magazines as he does fantasy sports.

The Sports Gal loves Us Weekly. It's her bible. She devours it religiously each week. She examines every picture, reads every story and mutters stuff like, "My God, she's too skinny!" and "I just don't get why they're together!"… She likes seeing what everyone is wearing. She likes the gossip. She out-and-out loves the "Fashion Police" and the "Stars -- They're Just Like Us" sections. (Because, after all, stars are just like us! They go to Starbucks! They take out the trash!) There is nothing about Us Weekly she doesn't appreciate."

As noted, it was nothing Earth shattering and a little too familiar. Nobody realized just how familiar it was until this was point out by a poster on the Sons of the Sports, ah whatever they call that site. (The Dork has never been there.)

The Hater Nation favorite, Cowgirl, has been penning an advice column on and was asked for her take on fantasy sports in her April 24th column.

While I don't partake in fantasy sports, I do understand the draw behind them. I can also understand your girlfriend's perspective, too, being that my ex had an obsession with NCAA Football on PlayStation. When guys devote so much time to something other than us, we feel less important. The best way to get her to understand your point of view is to relate it to a hobby of hers you don't find particularly amusing, like her obsession with celebrity life and trash mags. Tell her that while she may not care who is being traded this week or how well your team is doing, you couldn't care less about what Brad and Angelina are naming their child or when Britney and K-Fed are splitting up.

So not only is the Sports Dork lazy, he is stealing bits from Cowgirl. That is what the Sports Dork has become? He’s fallen further than Dirk Diggler in the "Sister Christian" scene from Boogie Nights.

Obviously he misheard Bruce Dickinson who said “I need more cowbell,” not go steal a bit from Cowgirl.

1 comment:

the Bish's rug said...

the sports dork should be put on waivers.(I wonder where I heard that)I will not argue this. It reminds me of the time this same dork stole an idea to compare himself and his career to U2.

I will ask the Bish what he thinks of this sports dork character. I have a hunch that he is a fan.