Wednesday, March 15, 2006

NFL Roundup

The NFL is starting to prove that it’s own version of March Madness can be just as befuddling as trying to determine which No. 12 seed is going to be a big upset winner this year. (A hint: It’s Utah State.) Let us help you sort it out.

It all started on Tuesday with the huge signing of an NFL quarterback. Yes, the Lions signing of Jon Kitna started a chain-reaction that … alright just kidding.

The Miami Dolphins acquired Daunte Culpepper for a second-round pick. The team hedged off Drew Brees when somebody reminded Nick Saban that the Dolphins defeated the Brees-led Chargers during the regular season. With Gus Frerotte. So the Dolphins went with Culpepper and unless they acquired Randy Moss too, this might not work out too well.

And before the local columnist goes for this joke, let us be the first to use the “Culpepper is going to have better access to boats now, imagine the trouble he will get into now.” Although we would wager all of the money that San Diego State is going to win us on the money line that Deadspin already beat us to that joke.

The Saints have proven that they still wanted to inflict more punishment on New Orleans by giving a $60M contract to quarterback Brees—who is not exactly the second coming of Ken Stabler. You think the SuperDome was damaged during Katrina? Wait until you see what an errant Brees pass can do. Just kidding, he can’t throw that hard. Still Brees has a chance to be the best quarterback in club history. But that is not saying much seeing that Archie Manning is the best quarterback in club history.

The Saints move means that Norm Chow and Matt Leinart have a real good chance of being reunited in Tennessee. That is assuming that the Jets don’t try to jump ahead to take the former USC star. The Jets did make a trade for Patrick Ramsey and could be content with Jay Cutler.

That thud you heard was Vince Young’s draft stock continuing to plummet. But he's probably not bright enough to figure that out. Now it is time for a prayer.

“Dear Lord, I’ve tried to be a good person. Well, for the most part. Please find a way to deliver Vince Young to Oakland. And can you find a way for Pacific to win on the money line? Thanks. I mean, Amen.”

Not like that prayer is going to be answered.

The Raiders are probably going to end up with Ohio State linebacker A.J. Hawk. As one internets muser put it, Hawk is well on his way to be the next Andy Katzenmoyer. The Raiders and Hawk would be a good fit if for nothing else than his girl friend, Brady Quinn’s sister, wears enough eye makeup to be a Raiders fan (and she's quite the camera expletiver, too). As Charlie Sheen said in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, you shouldn’t wear so much eye makeup, people will think you are a whole.

And Terrell Owens hasn’t even started his circus yet but it got kicked off with Keyshawn Johnson’s release. San Diego GM A.J. Smith would sign the enigmatic Owens or Johnson if he really hated coach Marty Schottenheimer.

Got all of that?


You may laugh at the Cardinals acquisition of Edgerrin James. But remember this. The Colts traded Marhsall Faulk to the St. Louis football team in 1999. The St. Louis football team went on to win the Super Bowl. Hey, stranger things have happened.

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g said...

just read your "JJ Manning" article. Not very often you get to read something that stupid. You might want to pay attention to more than one game.

Anonymous said...

Remember that time you ripped on the Raiders? That was stoopid.

Raiders Rule!
Duke Rules!
Yankees Rule!

Hater Nation is a bunch of poopy pants.

Michael said...

I think the best Quarterback in Saints history is Bobby Hebert. He was the one that got the franchise to contend for playoffs in the late 80's and 90's. That's when the team finally came into their own and stopped being a laughing stock.

When he FA-ed years later, the team went in the tank and has never made it back out. Coincidence?

Cameron said...

Damn, someone already got my Bobby Hebert take.

Cameron said...

Damn, someone already got my Bobby Hebert take.