Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Lil' Hater: Not Done Yet

A couple more Final Four notes, because like totally, nobody has thought of these jokes before.

Been living in California for a little over a year, and I hate UCLA fans. You think Raiders fans live in the past—they have nothing on Bruins basketball fans. You just know some smart ass was sitting on a load of “Fire Ben Howland” T-shirts and firing up the www.firebenhowland.com domain name before Gonzaga choked against the Bruins. Don’t worry, though. There will be pissed alumni if the team does not win a championship this year. UCLA is all about the championships. You can just tell from all of the banners they won from 1976 through 2006. What a powerhouse.

Don’t rest Howland, those shirts and websites will spring up when you flame out in the Sweet 16 next year.

Between Uconn’s Josh Boone and Florida’s Joakim Noah, which player has the greatest chance of being drafted by a confused WNBA general manager? Most guys, I figure, would rather be intimate with either player before even considering Candace Parker.

Just saying.

Maybe I stepped away from the TV at the wrong time, but at what point in the weekend did Billy Packer get on his knee and propose to Vanillanova's Kyle Lowry? Did Lowry tearfully accept the proposal, and if so, does that explain his 1-for9, two assist choke job?

I've never heard more unnecessary gushing for a too-small point guard who averaged 8 points and only 2 assists for the tourney, and who can't shoot from the outside. On the bright side, maybe Isiah Thomas will draft him now.

I was rooting for George Mason, until with 5 seconds left in regulation, Verne Lundquist tried to sell as a heartwarming story on the plight of the poor Patriots player Tony Skinn. You know, the guy who had punched a guy from Hofstra in the nuts a couple weeks ago, and was now about to make the free throws to send his team to the Final Four. (Unlike the nut shot, he choked and missed, of course).

There's no good way to spin hitting a guy in the balls on purpose. Unless it's a Duke guy getting cock-punched.

There is something I'm supposed to plug here, The Hater Nation Forums, I believe. So go check it out, otherwise I won't get my check this week.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Will you ever be selling Little Haters?

twin_daddy said...

Let's see here... Number of UCLA Championships between '76 to '06... That would be 1 more than LSU, Florida, & George Mason. I would expect nothing less than another title either. Just call it a "West Coast Bias" (If there is such a thing).

NFL Adam said...

How many did CSF have during that time? (Baseball does not count.)

Zach Landres-Schnur said...

brilliant joke about the wnba, lil hater. great stuff.