Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Thanks, But No Thanks

Not to go Bryant Gumble on all of you, but Lil' Hater is officially boycotting the winter Olympics. Outside of watching that Visa whore of a snowboarder eat [expletive] on her way to a gold medal, I haven't watched a minute of the games. My only information comes from my brief moments of lucidity down at the local bar.

So forgive me if I don't show much joy over the United States ending a 30-year drought in ice dancing. No, this isn't a rant about how ice dancing isn't a sport (it isn't), but rather they way the U.S. went about winning.

Tanith Belbin and Ben Agosto may have won the silver medal, but it took an act of Congress—literally. The Canadian-born Belbin had previously won three U.S. titles, but was barred from the Olympics until she got her American citizenship. Belbin became a U.S. citizen seven weeks ago (thanks to Congress pushing through her citizenship application).

So not only did the U.S. pull some shenanigans typically reserved for Little League parents and high school boosters from the Texas, but they needed a Canadian to win an Olympic medal in ice dancing? I've never been so ashamed to be an American and remember our draft-dodging vice president just shot somebody in the face after boozing too much (Ricky Williams gets banned for pot smoking, Eddie Sutton gets crapped on for being a drunk, but a liquored up Cheney nearly kills a dude, and the dude that gets shot ends up apologizing. Yeah, that makes sense).

Thank God I was made in Taiwan.

1 comment:

Conrad Bain said...

It's funny, there's this bumpersticker going around now that says, "I'd rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than driving with Ted Kennedy."

Not me, motherfucker. I know how to roll down a window and swim.

You go hunting with Cheney and you wake up with tweezers shoved up your nose feeling around for bird shot behind your eyeballs. Then they're sticking a Eureka Smart-Vac up your ass, hoping they can pull the fucking BBs out of your heart before it seizes.

Screw that noise. I'll take my chances swimming.