Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Media Day

It's Media Day, the final day before the teams start back to practice and get ready for the game. Not to go Steve Bisheff on all of you, but you really have to have been at a media day back a few years ago to really understand it.

Just kidding. Here are some stories and headlines we would like to see surface on Media Day:


The city of Detroit has turned into Pittsburgh West as part of a Seahawks evil scheme. "Have you ever seen the Steelers recent home playoff record? This is going to be huge for us," Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck said while laughing maniacally. ...

Brett Favre calls a news conference Tuesday morning to announce that he is not sure what he wants for lunch. If he had to choose right now, he'd pick a salami sandwich. ...

Columnist refuses to label media day as a circus. "This story has been done to death in recent years. We get it. Pseudo celebrities show up and ask dumb questions. It’s a riot. Let’s leave this kind of obvious humor to less-talented guys such as the Orange County Register's Randy Youngman." ...

Seahawks players really don't care which uniform they wear. "Seriously, if it helps people forget that we haven't beaten anybody to get here, I am all for it," running back Shaun Alexander said. "Besides, it’s kind of gay to talk about uniforms. But that is Pittsburgh. They are gay." ...

The Association of Mustached American Coaches is torn over whom to endorse in the Super Bowl, but say it will be America’s greatest day since Magnum P.I. was on the air. ...

Columnist refuses to make a joke about the over-reporting of Jerome Bettis birthplace. The intrepid scribe notes that not only is the story surround Bettis's return to Detroit annoying, but reporting about the over-reporting has become worse. ...

The Pittsburgh Steelers do not have cheerleaders. So the NFL announced today that former Panthers cheerleaders Angela Keathley and Renee Thomas (left) will serve as the club's official cheer captains. Media members start stalking women's restrooms in cheesy clubs. ...

Brett Favre schedules an afternoon press conference Tuesday to let everybody know that he once tutored a young Matt Hasselbeck in Green Bay. "Remember that game-ending interception he threw in the playoffs a couple of years ago? I taught him that," Favre said. For the record, he is having Chef Boyardee for lunch. ...

Steelers turn to Tommy Maddox and his championship experience. As one of the few members of the Steelers with a professional football championship, linebacker Joey Porter says that the Steelers, now more than ever, will be leaning on Maddox. ...

Columnist: Detroit Not that Bad. The reporter is shanked on his way to the media shuttle after filing the story. ...

Barrett Robbins to host Super Bowl party in Windsor, Ontario. ...

Columnist refuses to rip on the cold of Detroit. "I know this may be hard to believe, but football fans generally don’t care about my warmth or convenience in getting around the Super Bowl city." ...

Bill Cowher refuses to give a reason why he turned on America and feuded with Hulk Hogan during Wrestlemania VII. ...

Columnist hilariously points out that Super Bowl XL could be viewed as Super Bowl "Extra Large." The columnist anxiously awaits word from Pulitzer Prize committee. ...

Both the Seahawks and Steelers admit that they get the respect they deserve. "If anything, they might be getting too much," Steelers receiver Hines Ward said. ...

NFL’s Man of the Year does not solicit prostitute. Eugene Robinson feels as though he is a failure as a role model.

Jerome Bettis’ parents ask to not be shown on television: Network to comply.

Bill Belichick turns down the chance to play backup guitar with the Stones at halftime of Super Bowl XL. "I think our team might be a little over-exposed," said the coach working with NFL Network.

Brett Favre schedules a news conference that evening to let the media know that he doesn't want to become a story during the Super Bowl.

NFL Adam to finally produce something funny on the Hater Nation; America will not hold its breath.

Talk about it in the Hater Nation Forums. Our man, Benny says it's cool. Although our friend, Zach, thinks the forums are for suckers. (Be sure to check out their sites this week.)

1 comment:

Vernon Wormer said...

I spotted at least sixteen copyrite infringements, three libels, and two instances of damage to Steve Bisheff's rep in this article. Whole herds of lawyers are converging upon you as I type.