Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Bryant Wolfs Out

Do you think Jelly Bean Bryant and Kobe have had a recent talk about turning into Teen Wolf? The elder Bryant may have wished that is skipped a generation, but it has finally manifested in Kobe, culminating with his recent 81-point performance. In a true life imitating art moment, Lamar Odom was seen eating an apple on the basketball court. It seems like Kobe would be a natural for Coach Flinstock's system: It doesn't matter how you play the game, it's whether you win or lose. And even that doesn't make all that much difference.

But who would you rather as your lead player—the enigmatic Kobe or the charismatic Teen Wolf? The Hater Nation stacks up the two basketball legends.





Kobe

Teen Wolf

Advantage

Claim to fame:

Three NBA titles; next Jordan

Beat Dragons for city title; snagged Boof

Teen Wolf

Idols:

Mussolini

Robin Williams; George ‘The Animal” Steele

Teen Wolf

Enemies:

Karl Malone; assists

Principle Thorne; Mick McAllister

Kobe

Dissed:

Shaq

Pamela Wells

Kobe

Eats:

McDonalds; Nuttella

Chickens

Teen Wolf

Can be stopped by:

A Lamar Odom pass

Sliver bullet

Teen Wolf

Fashion Statement:

Purple tights

Headband

Kobe

Also known as:

81

Wolf

Kobe

Anger management issue:

Too easy

Slashed McAllister’s shirt at the dance

Kobe

Ways to relax:

Lifting weights; jewelry shopping

Surfing with Stiles on the Wolfmobile

Teen Wolf

Turn ons:

High school girls

High school girlfriends of rivals

Teen Wolf

Turn offs:

Finishing himself

Making out in closets

Kobe

Appeared in:

NBA Finals; All-Star Game; Court TV

School production of "Gone with the Wind"

Kobe

Coach's words of wisdom:

Live in joy, in love, even among those who hate

Never get less than 12 hours of sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that and everything else is cream cheese.

Teen Wolf

Score

7

7

Tie



Imagine that. Both Teen Wolf and Kobe are deadlocked. True peas in a pod. But remember this. Teen Wolf did not win until he de-wolfed and included his teammates. That might be the lesson here for Kobe. Talk about it in the Hater Nation Forums.

Photos are courtesy of Wooda at Live1 Productions.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Personally I think the Teen Wolf kids were cheating; Chubbs was at least 28 and still apparently in high school.