Monday, December 12, 2005

Will Manning Be Ultimate Survivor?

There is an interesting parallel between Stephanie LaGrossa, the runner-up for Survivor Guatemala, and Colts quarterback Peyton Manning. Stephanie, like the Colts quarterback, was a popular loser. She was America’s sweetheart and one of the game’s record breakers (something like surviving 25 tribal councils.) CBS set up the current edition of the game (which concluded Sunday night) for Stephanie to win. Much like the Colts were given a favorable schedule to start the season, Stephanie always was put into the best position possible.

But there was something about Stephanie that drove the hardcore fans of the game mad. Like Manning, she was pretty good at duping the general public, the mass majority of morons that buy into public images perpetuated by television personalities. But deep down she was a backstabber. Stephanie was a ruthless player, much like Manning who proved what a catty female dog he could be last week in an incident against Tennessee.

Stephanie was able to advance to Survivor’s Super Bowl after finally outlasting the gay guy (which would be like Manning finally beating Tom Brady). But in the end, a loser always fails. Outside of Brett Favre, it is nearly impossible for a loser to shed that label and win the ultimate prize. So it looks like Stephanie’s overwhelming defeat in the final tribal council will foreshadow an epic meltdown for Manning in the Super Bowl.

BAD NEWS FOR FANTASY OWNERS

Congratulations to all of you fantasy football owners who drafted Manning. Your team should have clinched a playoff spot on Sunday. Too bad Manning and the rest of the Colts will be phoning in the rest of the month (wow, athletes are so like us) pretty much ruining your fantasy team’s chances.

Imagine that, Manning blowing playoff after playoff for real, and now putting his indelible mark on the fantasy world as one of the best QBs in the regular season but not somebody you can count on in the playoffs.

MORE SURVIVOR NEWS

It is funny that winner Danni Boatwright looked much better in the jungle than in her makeup at the Survivor reunion show. Not that she could not have used a few cheeseburgers in the Mayan ruins, but she looked completely uncomfortable made up like a playmate. It was completely unnecessary as she look uncomfortable. Not in a WNBA-girl-in-heels funny, but more that she was uncomfortable. Like CBS ruined her by making her look like a tramp.

Danni also gave a reasonable explination for being able to recognize Gary Hogeboom. But we are still not buying it. No way. The dude looks nothing like he did when he played for the Cowboys. Besides, she said that Hogeboom looked more like Brett Favre. Hogeboom probably could have defeated Detroit in regulation last night.

JANUARY TEE TIMES AT A PREMIUM IN SAN DIEGO

The Chargers were unofficially eliminated from the playoffs on Sunday, as they lost a home game to the Dolphins. This was indeed a “trap-game” with the Colts looming on the horizon. But the Chargers squandered their margin for error (and the chance to lose games like this) by choking four games in horrific fashion earlier this season.

Maybe next year the Chargers can suspend LaDainian Tomlinson for three games to really put themselves in a hole.

BENGALS WIN, BUT NO JOHNSON CELEBRATION

Chad Johnson did not score a touchdown in the Bengals victory over Cleveland on Sunday. It is a shame, too. Word on the street was that Johnson was going to grab the referee’s microphone after his touchdown and say, “You don’t live in Cleveland, you live in Cincinnati, stand up and cheer like you mean it.”

HANDICAPPING THE BUSH RACE

The Jets may have removed themselves for the Reggie Bush sweepstakes with a victory over the Raiders on Sunday. But is getting the chance to draft the most electrifying running back since LaDainian Tomlinson worth losing a game to the Raiders? It seems like the Jets made the right choice. Talk about it in the Hater Nation Forums.

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