Friday, December 02, 2005

Where Are They Now:Jerry Rice

The career: Receiver Jerry Rice was born in an endzone and grew up thinking that he scored a touchdown. Nobody was the bigger product of a system more than Jerry Rice. If Rice played for any other team in the NFL, he would have been Andre Reed, Andre Rison, or Herman Moore. Rice played with two Hall of Fame quarterbacks in San Francisco, Joe Montana and Steve Young, but when the organization was in a slight rebuilding mode, Rice hightailed it over to the Raiders.

Typical. But that is the hallmark of Rice's career. When the going got rough, the Rice got moving.

NFL commentators would sometimes say that Rice was not only the greatest receiver of all-time, but also maybe the NFL's greatest player, ever. But NFL commentators, by in large, are some of the biggest dopes. Case in point Young and the whole "laissez faire" nonsense. But Rice was not the greatest receiver in NFL history, which was Don Hutson—a point that cannot be disputed. Rice also could never be the greatest player of all-time because he did not play defense.

Rice was one of the most beloved players in NFL history. So much that the national press went to great lengths to cover up Rice’s involvement in a prostitution sting at a San Francisco area message parlor. Nobody mentioned it when Rice wanted to become the first man in NFL history to have both a shaved head and corn rows at the same time. Still, Rice was so beloved that it seemed like there was nothing Rice could do to tarnish his reputation.

Until now.

The aftermath: We first noted in October that Rice was hell-bent on becoming one of the nation's top camera fornicators. Rice will be participating with other washed up athletes such as Jennie Finch (not hot) and Karl Malone (no rings) in Pros vs. Media Hos (on some low-budget station such as Spike TV).

But now Rice wants to take on Kelly Monaco in the latest installment of Dancing with the Stars, II. Just like Rice was never able to eclipse the shadow of Hutson, as far as media whores go, Rice will never be a Mark Long or Trishelle Cannatella.

And for those of you who believe that we are showing pictures of Kelly Monaco to increase traffic to this site, well duh. Props to you for figuring that one out, Gill Grissom. But we hope that poster Robert T. Jefferson does not post more pics of Kelly in the Hater Nation Forums. Nobody would want that, right?

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