Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Jets Fans Can’t Hold Booze

We long figured that Jets fans, the bridge and tunnel trash of NFL fans, could not handle their alcohol. The team confirmed that its fans are lousy drunks when it banned alcohol during the upcoming Monday Night Football game between the Jets and Patriots at Giants Stadium. How are those Jersey girls like Steph supposed to get lucky on a Monday night?

The ban comes after nine fans were arrested during the Jets-Saints game Nov. 27. One man was charged with stabbing two fans in a restroom, and a state trooper broke his leg while trying to eject a fan who reportedly threw a beer bottle.

That’s it? That would be considered a good day at the Oakland Coliseum nursery. It is obvious that Jets fans are soft, too.

Jets spokesman Ron Colangelo said the ban was put in place to protect fans. Or maybe they just wanted its fans sober enough to realize just how awful Brooks Bolinger is.

The ban also comes at a bad time as Coors Light just rolled out its newest campaign, “We’re Number 2!” in a salute to it’s kindred spirits, the Jets fans. “The Jets fans are a lot like our beer. They are cheap, easy, and a second-rate franchise with an inferiority complex,” a Coors spokesman said. The NFL has said that Jets players are ineligible to be the Coors Light Player of the Year.

Not that it would have mattered, but still. Here is to Jets football. Grab a beer and talk about it in the Hater Nation forums.

4 comments:

Scott said...

This will solve nothing. New Yorkers don't require alcohol to stab someone. They don't need a reason, let alone anything to give them the balls to do it. It says it right on their license plates: "New York -- We stab you good now."

But how can a post about the Jets and drunken pass at Suzy Kolber?

Here's your legacy, Jets fans. Enjoy it.

Scott said...

Somehow, I lost two sentences of my post. The above should read, "But how can a post about the Jets and their alcohol problems exist without the video of Namath and his drunken pass at Suzy Kolber?" Adam, help a brother out, eh?

Sports Litter said...

This reminds me of a SuperFans skit, when Chris Farley told some new yorker "why don't you go back to new york and shoot somebody with a gun".

Anonymous said...

How about instead of banning alcohol, try banning fans from bringing weaponry inside the stadium. That might be a smarter idea?