Sunday, December 18, 2005

Hope It Is Worth It, Chargers

If the Chargers fail to make the playoffs they are really going to need to ask themselves if it was really worth it. Was it really worth beating the previously unbeaten Colts to keep their postseason hopes alive while allowing the 1972 Dolphins to remain viable? Those camera-mugging glory whores from the NFL's last undefeated team relished in popping the champagne corks on Sunday.

"It's just another example of how tough it is to run the table in the NFL. And while congratulations are in order to the Colts for the great run they had this year, it points out once again that the 1972 team was something special, even if we don't always get recognized as such," said Manny Fernandez, a defensive lineman on that team.

Don’t always get recognized? There isn’t a team in all of sports that practices more self-congratulatory hand jobs than the 1972 Dolphins. Even Neil Armstrong was more humble. But that didn’t stop some of the Dolphins from overstating their accomplishment.

"If they had been able to go undefeated, then we could have someone to talk to who would understand the experience," former running back Mercury Morris said. "It's like trying to describe to someone what it's like to walk on the moon. It's only a description -- they'll never know until they go."

Morris then celebrated the demise of the last undefeated team in the same way that he always had—a line of cocaine and a few hookers.

Morris wasn’t the only one to speak out as two of America’s original player haters—Don Shula and Bob Griese—held a press conference to talk about that even they don’t always get recognized for.

"We're depicted as being happy about somebody's misfortune," Shula said. Yet when San Diego's Keenan McCardell made an ill-advised decision to field a punt at his goal line Sunday, Shula angrily rose from his skybox seat, stomped around the room and then stood in the corner fuming.

"I got up and displayed some anger," Shula said later. "I was sort of upset. Wouldn't you be?"

No. Actually most people would have gone on with their lives and show nsome couth and sportsmanship. Shula instead cries like some middle-aged private school administrator loser who pouts about other people’s fantasy football team.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Griese does get a pass with us by at least being honest with his assessment.

"In the end, I was sorry to see them lose, because it would have been great for a team like that to win them all," Griese said. "It's not like they are the Oakland Raiders, where it would be hard to root for them to go undefeated."

CHESNEY TO WRITE NEW SONG

Do you suppose that country-western star Kenny Chesney had to field numerous phone calls from a sobbing Peyton Manning who appeared to be in playoff form on Sunday? The good news for Manning is that it will not look as bad when his team chokes in the playoffs this year, as it would have if the Colts had been 16-0.

You might not want to mention this to the Colts, but the Patriots are gaining on them. Is there anybody out there, especially after Sunday, that still believes the Colts are the team to beat in the AFC?

THE LIST

The media is lying to you when it says that the Dolphins are the only NFL team to go undefeated. The Akron Pros (8-0-1 in 1920), Canton Bulldogs (10-0-2 in 1922, 11-0-1 in 1923) and Green Bay Packers (12-0-1 in 1929) went undefeated. The 1942 Chicago Bears went 11-0 in the regular season but lost to Washington, 14-6, in the NFL Championship Game.

HOW ABOUT THEM COWBOYS?

Can’t recall the Cowboys getting a beating like that in Washington since the 1982 NFC Championship Game. Do you know who finished that game at quarterback for the Cowboys?

Wrong, it actually was Drew Pearson. The Cowboys had gone to the locker room with time remaining on the clock, but came back out on the field for one final play with Pearson at quarterback and Gary Hogeboom at receiver.

Of course, Danni Boatwright from Survivor would have known that because she hosted a weekend sports talk show in Kansas.

USC TO LOSE ITS BACKFIELD?

The Los Angeles Daily News broke the story on Saturday that Reggie Bush might turn pro. You think? But the disturbing thing for Trojans fans might be that LenDale White told the Orange County Register on Saturday that he will go hard for the Heisman Trophy IF he returns to USC. Hey, the Register might have broke a story. Steve Bisheff must have had the day off.

The Los Angeles Times responded on Sunday with a story that Matt Leinart was indeed going pro this season. Way to go LA Times. Smart move with all of those layoffs.

WHAT IS GOING ON IN HOUSTON?

The Texans seemed to be determined to show the world they are not tanking the season by beating up on the Cardinals. Bad move. Now a New Year’s Day match-up in San Francisco looms large.

MONDAY NIGHT PREVIEW

Bad news for the Ravens, but Brett Favre’s grandmother had a stroke recently. Does this guy ever have a tragedy during the offseason? And ask yourself this while John Madden is heaping praise on Favre tonight. Why does this guy get so much praise? Favre is nothing more than Jake Plummer with a pain-killer addiction and a southern drawl.

Make fun of the Colts and the 1972 Dolphins in the Hater Nation Forums.

4 comments:

Cutthroat Pirates said...

How about them Raiders? The Chargers did the right thing, they played football!

Scott said...

There's no way Mercury Morris can afford cocaine or hookers. Last I heard he was snorting crushed children's chewable aspirin and picking up Waffle House waitresses coming off the graveyard shift.

twin_daddy said...

"Favre is nothing more than Jake Plummer with a pain-killer addiction and a southern drawl." And a Super Bowl Ring... I think it would make him more of a right handed Steve Youg (minus the magic underware), don't you think?!

NFL Adam said...

how many times did Favre lead the Cardinals to a playoff victory? Plummer has accomplished more.