Monday, December 19, 2005

Glorious Failure: A Nation Celebrates

The Hater Nation proudly congratulates Oakland Raider Head Coach Norv Turner, now a career 58-80-1, for becoming the fourth coach to cross The Marchibroda Line ™ .

In the last 55 years of professional football, only three coaches had reached The Marchibroda Line, the true mark of long-term lousy coaches. Entry to the hallowed club is not easy. It requires a career losing record, 80 or more career losses, and no fluke seasons where the coach in question led his team to the league’s championship game.

In addition to its namesake (87-98), Marchibroda Line inductees had only included John McKay (44-84) and Norm VanBrocklin (66-100). Now, you can add Norv to the Mt. Rushmore of perpetual coaching suckiness.

Well done, Norville, well done.

In true Marchibroda Line fashion, Norv entered the club in first-class style. Losing on the last play of the game to the sorry-ass Brown, at home, to a QB who had never won a game before. With a Sea-bass blocked field goal, Derrick Boo-Urgess unsportsmanlike penalty, and an overruled fumble leading to the inevitable last-second Browns field goal. With his team’s best player, Randy Moss, scoring a 1st quarter touchdown, and then not being thrown to again.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the way Marchibroda Line members roll.

So we at Hater Nation salute you Norv, for this career achievement. It wasn’t easy, and after the seven-year debacle at the Redskins, frankly we thought you’d never get a chance to achieve this type coaching immortality, because no team could be as dumb as to hire you.

But the Raiders proved us wrong, and you proved us wrong. Hats off to you, Sir. Talk about the life and times of Norv Turner in the Hater Nation Forums.

1 comment:

Scott said...

McKay's record was actually 44-88-1 in the regular season. Kind of has a nice mathematical symmetry, doesn't it?

But I find it insulting that McKay is put in the same class as Turner. McKay led an expansion team, at a time when expansion teams were used as other teams' Salvation Armys, and got to the playoffs in four years. Turner took over the Redskins that had been to the playoffs in three of the last four years and couldn't even improve on Richie Petitbon's record. Turner eventually got to the playoffs (six years later) and lost to... wait for it... the Bucs. McKay deserves a pass out of this club.