Sunday, December 04, 2005

Chargers v. Raiders Running Diary

Having the Raiders come to the Murph on a Sunday night afford us the opportunity to sit at home and listen to ESPN's Sunday Night crew. A Sunday night game is normally viewed in a loud bar so you cannot hear the announcers. But some columnist have made a career from ripping announcers and writing a running diary, so why not try to cash in?

But be careful, those vodka Gibsons can start to really pile up after a while. So here are random thoughts and observations from the Sunday night game, without having to fear for our lives down in San Diego.

The opening montage centers on the Chargers and treats the Raiders as an afterthought. It seems like ESPN struggles to throw the Raiders a bone by saying that it is a rivalry game, so anything can happen. This cannot be good.
Marty Schottenheimer is leading the cheers before kickoff, “One play at a time.” You might be hard pressed to find anybody who hates the Raiders more than Marty.

  • There is nothing like seeing the Raiders in their white uniforms. It will always remind me of Super Bowl XXXVII—one of my favorite days as an NFL football fan. To be at that event—sitting next to the GM’s sister—was one of the coolest things, ever.

  • Lamont Jordan, according the graphic they just showed, should reach 1,000 rushing yards for the season. And Marcus Allen only did this three times in his career? And he is in the Hall of Fame? If somebody has a reasonable explanation for this we would love to hear it.

  • You can hear the Raiders fans noticeably on their field-goal yielding drive. How many fans simply won’t go to Raiders games? There is something to be proud of Raiders fan.

  • The Raiders stopped LaDainian Tomlinson on his first carry. Surprised they do not want to stop the clock and get the game ball.

  • Damn, LT just punked a Raiders defensive back with a stiff arm. LT throws the meanest stiff arm since Emmitt Smith. Nah, LT is way meaner. LT looks pissed at the Raiders. This is cool.

  • Trading field goals suck. This cannot end well.

  • Well maybe if the opposing QB was not Kerry Collins. Nothing is better than watching him take a horrific, drive-killing, take-his-team-out-of-field-goal-range sack.

  • The camera just panned to Randy Moss. Dude look like he could walk off the field at any moment.

  • Paul McGuire just said that the media has made Moss look like a bad guy. Yeah, it was the media that ran over a meter maid, squirted water on a ref, bailed early on his team against Washington, admitted that he still smoked pot, etc. As McGuire said, it is not fair to compare Moss and Terrell Owens. The enigmatic Eagles receiver at least gave his all on every play. Quit blaming the media (which the Sunday Night crew is a part of).

  • It is not great to see your team punt, but a 71-yard boot is pretty cool.

  • Norv Turner was asked how he keeps his team motivated while it has been eliminated from the playoffs. If anybody should be an expert on motivating his team after being eliminated from the playoffs, it is Norv Turner. He has had enough experience.

  • Joe Theismann just said that Moss is faking his injury. He then followed it up by saying, "And I should know, my wife has been faking it for years."
  • Shawne Merriman is eventually going to have a Lawrence Taylor/Theismann moment on a quarterback.

  • Jenny just asked why Bo Jackson’s number 34 has not been retired. Great point, but the Raiders do not retire numbers. How could you not love a girl that comes up with that point?

SECOND QUARTER

  • We just received a letter from Mr. Theisman’s lawyer in San Diego, Mr. Williams, to stop inferring that the former Redskins quarterback’s wife if faking it during sex. When you have to consult a lawyer because of what somebody has said about you on the Internet, you are a loser.

  • Do the Raiders have an assistant coach under 60?

  • The Chargers are challenging the Antonio Gates touchdown catch. It is a touchdown. Bill Vinovich is the best referee in the NFL. Sorry Ed Hochuli, but Vinovich owns you. Dude sees something on the replay and he calls it. So many other officials would have said it was inconclusive in order to not show up a fellow official. Great work.

  • Lamont Jordan is on the sidelines saying, “It is on me,” following a fumble. No kidding. Who else put the rock on the ground? Why does Jordan need to reiterate that point? We all saw the fumble.

  • The Raiders just tied the score, 10-10. The Raiders fans celebrate like it is the Super Bowl. Make your own joke here.

  • Keenan McCardell made his 800th reception. If Tim Brown goes into the Hall of Fame, so should McCardell. Both are unspectacular receivers that have been good for a long time. Anybody want to dispute that?

• LT looks to be hurt. No matter, Michael Turner runs for a touchdown, 17-10 Chargers. Look for the Raiders to trade a high draft pick for Tuner next year. Hey, the Raiders love those backup running backs. How many fantasy owners are pissed right now?

• Horrible squib kick. The Raiders have a chance to get into field-goal range. Oakland lines up for a 61-yard attempt. Sorry Janikowski, it is no good. Not a great half for the Chargers. They should be treating the Raiders like a baby treats a diaper.

HALFTIME

  • Tim Brown’s lawyer in San Diego sends a letter to cease and desist with the slander. Hey, he was the one that sucked, not me.

  • Schottenheimer uses only one cliché in his halftime interview. Great hard-hitting interview there Suzy Kobler. Way to get to the bottom of that LT injury. The only thing that could spice this up would be a drunken John Hadl and Jack Kemp fighting over who gets to kiss her. Schottenheimer should have pulled a Pete Carroll here and said that he was not going to let up on the Raiders and he wanted to embarrass the team.
  • We get it—the Chargers have to win this game. Let’s drive this point home a few more times. Hey, LT is back. Not to go Tony Siragusa on you, but these Jose Ole tacos are great.

  • Finally a penalty and it is not against a Raider. Who would have thought? But there have likely been 50 Raiders fans arrested already. Still, Vinovich's crew deserves to be recognized for not becoming bigger than the game. We need more refs like this.

  • The NBA scrawl on the ESPN board reminds us that the NBA is still in season. The Lakers are losing to the Bobcats. Who the hell are the Bobcats? This cannot be good. Steve Bisheff will likely have a column this week saying it is not good to lose (to what I assume) to an expansion team.

  • Bobcats?

  • Drew Brees is making some amazing plays. Touchdown San Diego! They do not play the Chargers disco song enough. It is a crime.

  • Hey, the Lions are up next week. There is a reason why we rarely see the Sunday Night game. Isn't one Thanksgiving game enough?

  • The Raiders go three-and-out following a Chargers touchdown. San Diego needs a touchdown to put this away. The Raiders are doing a good job on LT, but McCardell is picking up huge third downs. Charges punch one in here and it is over.

FOUTH QUARTER

  • It’s a field goal. Oh well, it is probably keeping Chargers fans alive. Raiders fans are probably getting stabby right now. But they will stay cool as long as the Raiders are still in the game.

  • Collins just missed a wide-open Bhawoh Jue for an interception. Collins is 0-for-7. Nice punt Lechler. This Raiders team is horrible.

  • Schottenheimer just called Brees, “Joe Montana-like.” We need to slow down on the hyperbole just a bit. Only four Super Bowls to go. Montana-like Brees just goes three-and-out from the Raiders 40. So much for that.
  • Collins completed a pass!
  • Clinton Hart just returned a Collins pass for a touchdown, 34-10 Chargers. Oh no Chargers fans, make a run for it now. Do not use the restrooms, do not hang out anywhere, just go. Bail. It is time to make a run for your life. Some poor Chargers fan is going to lose his life.

  • Damn, just got a note from Raiders fans lawyer. Sorry.

  • Hey the Bengals finally beat an actual NFL team. This actually helps the Chargers if they can stay one game ahead of the Steelers. What a bad loss that was.

  • The Sunday Night crew is making excuses for the Raiders. C’mon, this is a bad team with a bad quarterback and a bad coach. There is nothing that could have saved them.

  • The Raiders are officially eliminated from the playoffs and we did not have to deal with Raiders fans. It was a win-win. Plus there is still some vodka left in the freezer.

  • Oh damn, Mack Brown's lawyer wants to talk. Oh well, carry on the conversation in the Hater Nation forums. Thanks for those who came by during Raiders week. We did record numbers (outside of the Panthers cheerleader days) so thank all of you that stopped by.

4 comments:

Sports Litter said...

So was the GM's sister hot?

NFL Adam said...

Eh, sort of.

NFLJennifer said...

I bet that Jenny chick is smoking though!

bucky said...

I'm just amazed that there was a Bhawoh Jue siting that wasn't at the Piggly Wiggly in Little Chute.