Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Welcome to Hater Week!

Hi, my name is Dalton and you might remember me from the movie, Road House. I have been hired by the Chargers to regulate the crowd here at Qualcomm Stadium this week. If you thought the Double Deuce was tough, it is nothing compared to a Raiders game in San Diego. It is especially daunting being a night game, with gives Chewy and the rest of his posse a chance to knock back a couple of extra Tecates. It won’t be pretty. But for me, pain don't hurt, so I will tell the homeboys to bring it on.

That is why I have three rules for Raiders/Chargers week. The first is to never underestimate your opponent. Even if he is a skinny fellow in a wife beater tank top. If he is a Raiders fan, he likely has a knife. Two, take it outside of the stadium. You don’t want to be beating the crap out of some Raiders fan and make the people miss a huge LT scoring run. And three, be nice. Remember these rules because it is my way or the highway. It also won’t hurt to stick around for Hater Week here at the Hater Nation.


I am ready to go this week. And you need to be ready for this week, too. If you are new to the site you might want to get up to speed with the Raiders fan by reading our award-winning series, Raiders in the Mist. You can read the original by clicking here. Raiders fans in Las Vegas is here. And do not miss Raiders Fans at Dodger Stadium here.

Check back all week for Hater Week and be sure to stop by the Hater Nation forums by clicking here.

4 comments:

Scott said...

Dude, sing "She's Like the Wind" during halftime. It'll totally kill.

NFL Adam said...

Nice.

twin_daddy said...

You want Patrick Swayze to regulate The Murph when the East L.A. Shit bags come to town?! PLEASE! You need a professional ass kicker, like CHUCK NORRIS. Let me share with you some little known facts about Chuck Norris:

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was "more humane".

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided into two.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes. Ever.

Scott said...

They're not little known.

Top Thirty Chuck Norris Facts