Wednesday, November 09, 2005

T.O. Calls Another Press Conference

Terrell Owens was not about to be slighted. The enigmatic receiver was miffed to find out that the world was only talking about the lesbian Panthers cheerleaders only days after the Eagles suspended him. Owens, flanked by his agent Drew Rosenhaus, called a press conference on Wednesday to discuss the snub.

"I put a lot of preparation into my temper tantrums and really work hard to be the league’s top Primmadonna," Owens said. "And all you guys can talk about it is two cheerleaders getting it on in a bathroom? What is the appeal there? Like anybody would fantasize about two cheerleaders having sex. As if."

He then broke down started sobbing and doing situps to ease his pain.

Owens also took time to apologize to his coaches, quarterback Donovan McNabb, and anybody else he might have transgressed over the past couple of days. Owens said that he had $1.8 million reasons to be sorry—the exact amount he would be expected to pay to the Eagles if he was suspended for the rest of the season. Owens also mentioned that he wanted to be back for the Monday Night game so he could make a complete ass of himself on a national stage again.

Still, Owens was pissed about being upstaged by two cheerleaders that do not even get paid.

"Are you kidding me? If I would have known it was such a big deal, I would have made out with Jeff Garcia in a bathroom years ago. Actually, that might be my next trick."

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