Friday, October 21, 2005

Jerry Rice Joins Ranks With Canseco

Jerry Rice has decided to join the long line of former greats that soiled their careers with faulty post-career decisions. Magic Johnson had the Magic Hour. Larry Bird had his McDonalds commericals and his horrific cameo in Blue Chips. Or Isaiah Thomas had his handling of the CBA, the Pacers, and the New York Knicks.

Rice will join Karl Malone, Jennie Finch and other athletes that cannot stay out of the spotlight who will compete against average fans in a new reality show. "Pros vs. Joes," which will air in 10 one-hour episodes on Spike TV starting in April, will feature contestants competing against each other and 19 famous sports figures in a variety of reality-show challenges and real sporting events - everything from football to ice skating.

Take that Survivor.

Spike TV grabbed two sporting legends and some softball chick for their crappy network. Survivor is the top-rated reality show in the world and the best they could manage is Gary Hogeboom. Crossing Over with John Edwards, however, was able to contact the ghost of Don Hutson—the greatest NFL player of all-time, so score board.

Rice said that he was looking forward to the challenge and did not believe that it would negatively impact his image.

“I got caught in a whore house, do you think I could make anything worse,” Rice said.

Seriously, why is Jennie Finch popular?

Finch is an average looking chick at best, mainly a creation of ESPN. The girl looks like an alien as her eyes are spread too far apart. Finch is the kind of person you would cast if you wanted an ugly version of Pamela Anderson. But Finch is elevated because she played sport. As my friend, Mikey Two Beers, likes to point out, she is a “cheeseburger in a fat farm.” A cheeseburger might be just an average cheeseburger, but put it in front of a bunch of dieting heifers and it is the most attractive looking food in he world and people will fight over it.

Danica Patrick, Summer Sanders, Jeanie Zelasko, Misty May, and Mandy Beard are among those that fall into this category. Even a liquored up Joe Namath would not find these girls hot. These girls are considered hot if you bunk with Ted Kaczynski in a one-bedroom in Idaho. Maybe Finch would be considered hot if your CD collection includes an entire catalog of Barbara Streisand. Maybe she would be considered hot if you trolled for girls with Matt McNamara from Nip/Tuck.

Get the picture?

It is not to say that womens athletics is devoid of hot girls. Gabby Reece is hot. LPGA babe Natalie Gulbis is hot. Soccer star Amy Warner is hot. Dancer Kelly Monaco is hot. And yes, ballroom dancing is a sport—just ask Matt Leinart. Tennis is filled with hot babes. Of course, neither of them are the Williams sisters.

Lets go through the list. Finch is considered hot because she plays sports. Maria Sharapova is a hot girl that plays tennis. See the difference?

Sue Bird is considered hot because she plays sports. Lokelani McMichael is a hot girl that competes in tri-athlons.

Do we need to go on here? You are all probably saying yes, but this site is not Sports By Brooks. Go look up sports babes yourself. If you do not want to weigh in on this subject on the message boards, go find yourself a sewing circle. Otherwise give your thoughts on our brand new message boards by clicking here. Alright, there might be more pictures of girls there later.


SwimFan said...

Beard and Sanders are hot. Sorry, dude.

Tom Cruise said...

Beard seems like my kinda chick.

Anonymous said...

well, fortunately for 99.99999% of us females, there is SOME guy SOMEWHERE who thinks we're hot.

so just because YOU aren't into jennie finch don't mean other guys/girls are not.


Anonymous said...

Disagree on Summer Sanders and Mandy Beard. You left off a few hotties in Dara Torres and Heather Mitts. The latetr's sideline "reporting" makes Lisa Guerrero look good but she is smoking hot. Makes you wonder what she is doing with a loser like A.J. Feeley. And Gaby Sabatini is a hottie as well as Carling Bassett - how can anyone not fall in love with a babe names after a Brewery! Hot looks and free beer - what more could a guy want from a babe!

Anonymous said...

You couldn't be more right. Finch and her ilk are extremely overrated. If you saw someone like here or Sue Bird at the mall or at a bar, you wouldn't look twice.

TJ Rubley said...

Anyone reading this could drive to the local buffalo wings restaurant at their nearest strip mall and see at least three girls working there who are hotter than Natalie Gulbis.

Richard Simmons said...

I'd knock the bottom out of any of these hotties.

NFL Adam said...