Thursday, August 25, 2005

There's a Bathroom on the Right

Randy Moss made a startling revelation when he admitted that he smokes pot, "Once in a blue moon." There must have been a blue moon rising as Dolphins running back Ricky Williams gave a rambling, incoherent interview that touched on a number of topics on Wednesday afternoon.

Some of the highlights:

* Williams said that he does not miss marijuana. "I can't do that anymore. I get tested twice a week."

Of course, Williams was holding a pipe when said this. Moss should feel secure if this interview did not violate Williams' after-care testing. The NFL's drug testing policy looks as feeble as MLB's steroid testing policy.

* Williams said President George W. Bush was a cool person after working out with the then-governor at the University of Texas in 1998. "I had a chance to talk to him a couple of times. I was lifting, he was just riding a bike. I think he's a nice person."

Yeah, but would he go to war for him?

* Williams said he does not think about the war in Iraq and will not join the military. That put Williams in good company with the Bush twins and other children of affluent Republicans that support the war, but do not think about it. "There's a war outside, but I think there's also a war inside of all of us."

Does that sound like an Alannis Morissette song to anybody else?

* Williams said that he is not having fun since returning to football, but does not mind. "You look across from fun and you see work."

See, saying that your job sucks makes you more likeable than admitting that you search for porn.

* Teammates tease him about his scruffy beard, saying he looks homeless, but he sees no reason to shave. "Some people have a job, some people's wives don't like it, some people are uncomfortable with it."

At some point you figure that the principle from Billy Madison would take the microphone and say:

"Mr. Williams, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

BAD NEWS FOR FANS OF HOT PLAYER WIVES

It seemed like the Little League World Series had finally reached the big-time with fans like this (woman on the far left). Did one of these 12-year olds actually bag a wife that hot? Nope, it turns out that it is the mother of Maitland's Dante Bichette, Jr.. The son of the former major league slugger became a hero when every one of his baseball feats were matched with a nearly thirty seconds screen time for his mother, Marianna Bichette. However, Rancho Buena Vista (CA) knocked of Maitland, 6-2, on Wednesday to end this version of ESPN's Desperate Housewives.

MADDEN HEAD TO HALL?

John Madden, a legendary coach and one of the NFL's best-known television personalities, was named a finalist on Wednesday for the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Madden had a record of 112-39-7 with the Raiders between 1969 and 1978. His winning percentage of .739 is second among coaches with 100 or more wins behind Vince Lombardi at .750. Madden's team won the Super Bowl following the 1976 season.

But he has gained even more fame as an analyst on NFL telecasts and more recently for the football video game that bears his name. Madden should have some stoner, video game player give his induction speech instead one of his former players of colleagues.

Hey, maybe Ricky Williams could do it. At least something about Hall of Fame weekend would be interesting.

4 comments:

Scott said...

"Bichette"? Does that mean she's short?

Eddie said...

lol

EmpireWF said...

Madden should go into the Hall for his video game franchise, let alone his coaching ability.

Charger Ray said...

Madden should have stuck to coaching. He sucks as an announcer. "BOOM. Tough-acting Tinactin"