Saturday, May 21, 2005

The Drug Report

Ricky Williams wants to come back to the NFL and has talked with Dolphins coach Nick Saban.

That's great.

Has anybody asked Ronnie Brown, the number two pick in the NFL Draft, what he thinks about that? Don't expect Brown to miss any playing time with the Dolphins. Instead start fueling the Ricky Williams to the Raiders theories. Get the number 34 jerseys ready for sale.

That leads to an interesting question for Raiders fans. Which jersey do you want to buy?

If you're the pot smoking, dread-lock wearing, lets flee to Bali-type of fan, you will purchase the Ricky Williams jersey.

If you're the don't listen to authority, let's get a posse and run over a meter maid-type of fan, you will purchase the Randy Moss jersey.

There is still this little business about Williams failed drug test last season, but that's only a minor inconvenience for the Raiders. It's not like he's Onterrio Smith. Williams would only be expected to miss four games of the season.

Then again, the Raiders fans always seem to think that the team wins the Super Bowl in September.

Stay tuned.


Trades in the NFL outside of the draft are so scarce that any NFL dealing seems to be big news. Even when one of those names involved is a punter.

Todd Sauerbrun is not your ordinary punter. The position has to be the loneliest on the field. Seriously, does the punter even want to win the game? But Sauerbrun has taken his insecurity to a level unrivaled by the ordinary punter.

Sauerbrun reached national status when he tried to start a fight with reputed NFL tough guys--the Gramatica brothers. Then he got popped for a DUI. Then he complained about his contract.

That all paled in comparison to the revelation that Sauerbrun was prescribed steroids prior to the Super Bowl in 2004. Sauerbrun not only opted for "the cream," but reportedly obtained syringes and the injectable steroid stanozolol.

Sauerbrun might only be a punter, but his penchant for stupidity has reached at least the tight end, possibly running back, level.


Anonymous said...

Hey back away from calling out Phish fan, phatty. I know that you are upset at Ricky for smoking his way out of a terrible team such as my beloved Phish and onto the inmates squad at Raiderville.

I mean, your entire post-graduate work was done while hitting the glass deek and where did it get you? Bounced out of the NFL and into writing a blog with obscure Kordell and Janet Elway's colon references.

What's next? A column written about two fat twins on mopeds listening to Sade while wearing spats?

Even though some of us are glad you finally started writing again, stay the hell away from bashing the Phish. I mean, they are the Phish, a group of losers that their only claim to fame is that Dave Fucting Wannstedt is no longer their coach.

But, Nick Saban is gonna have the Gas-Face because he isn't Bill Bellichick, and this ain't LSU, so Saban can't pay his players more than every other college football team like he did at LSU (Allegedly).

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