Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Conspiracy!

The NBA conspired against the Lakers and the Clippers in the annual draft lottery on Tuesday night. The Lakers and Clippers did not move up a single space so it's obvious that the whole thing was fixed.

How?

If the Lakers had moved up in the NBA lottery, pundits around the country would have decried that it was indeed a conspiracy to make the Lakers the NBA’s prominent franchise again. The league made sure that the Lakers did not have a chance by removing all of their ping-pong balls. In other words, the NBA conspired to make sure that the lottery didn't look like a conspiracy.

The Clippers also had their ping-pong balls removed because--let's face it--they would only blow a top-three pick anyway. Now the Clippers can enjoy their 20th consecutive season of being just one player away.

Now that the lottery is over, it's time for Southern California basketball fans to go back to ignoring the NBA playoffs. No matter how much ESPN wants to tell us that this is the greatest playoffs in world history. Please. Wake us the next time an NBA player can execute a 20-foot jumper.

MORE IDIOT FANS

Idiot fans are an epidemic in the world of sports, but it is not the exclusivity of the Raiders. One team that is pretty underrated in terms of "IFS" (Idiot Fan Syndrome) is the Miami Dolphins fans.

Dolphins fans strive to be like Raiders fans, but seem to fall woefully short in every occassion. One Dolphins fan posted a rambling, incoherent reply to one of our "Drug Report" last week, despite the fact that his team was only mentioned in passing.

We've always suspected that Dolphins fans had some sort of penis-envy fascination with the Raiders. Now we have the pictures to prove it.

Hey Fun Boys, Get a Room



Who knew that the lead singer of Creed was such a Dolphins fan?

It's fitting that his hairstyle was popular back when the Dolphins were good.



Proof that the Dolphins reach out to Miami's gay community.

Somebody get Don Shula a fireman's hat, because that guy is flaming.

Idiots Should Mark Themselves, Part II

Here is the proof that Dolphins fans are trying to mimic Raiders fans... and failing horribly.



That tatoo looks like it was drawn on with a crayon.

But look at these guys.





They hide these tattoos on their legs. They don't have the balls to put them on their shoulders. That's why they will never reach the legendary status of Raiders fans.



On second thought, maybe those two guys have the right idea. This is just dumb.

In closing, these guys are idiots. But it could be worse. They could have a tattoo of a college mascot from a school they never attended. That would be stupid.

2 comments:

twin_daddy said...

Nice. Pick on a bunch of clueless Dolphins fans and then insult them as if they were all analogous to a guy like "J. Mike". No fan will ever conquer the myopia of Raidah Fan.

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