Thursday, November 25, 2004

The Friday Morning News

Timing is everything for the NFL. In a week that saw an NBA riot in Detroit, the NFL announced that it was going to allow certain teams to have four on-field seats added to its stadiums. This is exactly what the NFL--and sports in general--needs, more fans with a clearer shot to professional athletes.

Unfortunately, Detroit was not one of those teams that will be conducting the study.

The experiment will start this week in Minnesota, and will include Chicago, and Miami. The teams will pick who gets to use the seats, meaning that corporate fat-cats that are willing to fork over $10,000 will get a chance to watch the game from the field.

Why stop there? Here are some ways these four "cash-strapped" teams can make some extra money in addition to on-field seats.

A mere $5,000 in Minnesota will allow a fan to get squirted in the face by Vikings receiver Randy Moss.

If you pay $10,000 in Chicago, you will get one series as the team's quarterback. Hey, it can't be any worse than what the Bears put on the field on Thursday.

For $25,000 in Miami, each fan sitting on the field will get a free exam from holistic medical student, Ricky Williams.

IS THERE A WILLIAMS COMEBACK IN THE WORKS?

Don't be fooled by recent reports, Ricky Williams does not want to come back to the NFL. Williams just doesn't want to pay the Dolphins $8 million he owes to the club. Williams is completing the paperwork in order to avoid a lawsuit over his outstanding balance.

This puts the Dolphins in the position of either welcoming back the enigmatic running back, or cutting him loose. Williams, and his lawyers, are betting that the Dolphins do not want him back and will forfeit its share of Ricky's gold.

And if Williams is welcomed back to the Dolphins, there is this business of an NFL suspension that will likely mean that he won't see the field in 2004.

DROUGHNS V. SAPP, II

Reuben Droughns told Warren Sapp that he was washed up in the Broncos 30-3 victory earlier this season, a point that did not sit well with the giant underachiever.

Why not? Sapp is one of the biggest free-agent busts of the year with only a half sack this season. Sapp is clearly one of the biggest "Fonzie" players in the NFL. Sapp has a reputation of talking big, but never seems to back it up on the field. It's much like Fonzie, who had a reputation of being a tough guy, yet you never saw him throw a punch during the series, Happy Days. Even when Richie Cunningham contracted mono from one of Fonzie's squeezes, the leather-clad tough guy wouldn't even strike the freckled-faced Freshman. It was Potsie who slammed Cunningham with the bathroom door.

Is there any way to fit Sapp with a leather jacket, #99? There's a good costume for one of those moronic Raider nation followers.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Why does anybody stoop to doing a "Turkey of the Week/Year/Decade/Millennium Award?" It's more tired thank John Madden's "Turducken" which thankfully died when he went to Monday Night Football.

Seriously, we get it. It's a play on the Thanksgiving Day tradition... zzzzzzzzzzz.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, ST. LOUIS

Think it's bad working on Thanksgiving? Mike Martz decided to have his team report for work on the holiday, despite the fact that it has an extra day to prepare with a Monday night game this week.

Yeah, that extra practice time should do the trick. It gives Martz more time to work on his excuses.

Martz called out the Bills this week for a couple of "cheap shots" on its defensive backs in St. Louis' 30-17 loss. St. Louis has a reputation of shying away from physical contact, and these comments don't help. Even Jm J. Bullock took time out this week to tell Martz and St. Louis to "butch up" a little bit.

Martz also was miffed that St. Louis had to conduct its post-game security check at Buffalo-Niagara Airport, instead of at the field--a service that most teams provide. After the way St. Louis performed on the field, they should be happy that they were allowed back in St. Louis at all.

THANKSGIVING FOOTBALL

The lack of quality football almost made the Hater Nation long for the return for the NHL. Ah, not really.

Does anybody else get the feeling that Tony Dungy has Peyton Manning on his fantasy team as he continued to call for passes in the Colts route of the Lions? Dungy has become like a geeky-Madden 2005 gamer that is concerned mostly with stats than winning football games.

Go ahead, Peyton Manning. Throw your 60 touchdowns and set a meaningless-record. It will be something to cherish when you are sent home during the playoffs by the Steelers or Patriots.

And did anybody catch those videos of a 3-year-old Manning during the game? It seems like his disposition hasn't changed much as he was crying when his older brother, Cooper, roughed him up.

Fans of NFL-contraction received a huge boost by the Cowboys and Bears game. Two NFL teams, zero NFL quarterbacks.

The fans in Dallas were upset when rookie Drew Henson was pulled for Vinny Testaverde. But Parcells actually did the right thing. The Cowboys, with four ones, are in the thick of the playoff hunt in the NFC. Look at the standings. Even Detroit has a chance of making the field.

Can't the NFL adopt it's World War II policy and combine two teams to make one mediocre franchise? If you combined the Bears and Cowboys, they might make the playoffs in the AFC... barely.

AND FINALLY

How do the Chargers celebrate their winning this season? By raising ticket prices, of course. The Chargers have only sold out on game during the NFL-required 72-hour deadline (they were given an extension for the Raiders game).

Typical Chargers, one step forward, three steps back. This should endear the fans as they push for a new stadium in 2006.

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