Sunday, October 10, 2004

Rams spoil perfect Sunday Afternoon

The Raiders and Rams bailed from Southern California a decade ago, but you wouldn't know if from the NFL broadcasts in the region. NFL fans (both of them) in Southern California are reminded of its biter divorce as both CBS and FOX show Rams and Raiders games each week.

Most of the time it's a painful reminder of what could have been. Long gone are the days of $50 tickets, $10 parking, and a $100 tab at The Catch before and after the game.

That's why this week's games looked so appetizing. The Raiders and Rams were both road dogs this week. Big road dogs. It looked like it would be a perfect Southern California day--sunshine, cool breeze, and a Rams and Raiders loss on the same day.

Who could ask for anything more?

The morning game was a great delight. The Raiders were completely undressed by the Colts. While it's great to watch the Raiders self-destruct on the field, you could only imagine what a Raiders fan goes through on a typical day like this.

Raiders fans are not, what you would call, realistic. They have not lost a single game in their entire existence. It's either the referees fault, the broadcasters, or worse--it's the damn NFL conspiring against them. So you know that Raiders fans absolutely believed that they were going to beat the Colts. Raiders fans, pissed by the point spread, probably took their team on the money line.

Raiders fans don't need no stinking points.

Raiders fans are up by 8 a.m., pounding Schaeffer beer, and putting on their Halloween costumes ready for battle. They were likely beating their wives by 11 a.m.

FOX should make that into a reality show. My Big Fat Obnoxious Raider Fan.

The Rams, however, continue to be quite a source of discomfort. Nobody--with any intelligence--was really sad to see the Raiders leave. To most Raiders fans, the move of the team didn't really matter to them. Most watched the game from Chino prison anyway, so it's not like they were going to be attending a game in 10-12 years anyway. And those that are out on parole just go to Dodgers games anyway to act like a street thug.

But losing the Rams hurt. Watching them win a Super Bowl in St. Louis was a lot like watching your ex-wife win an Adult Film Academy Award. And Sunday's victory over the Seattle was just another in a long line of Rams successes that haunt their former fans. Seattle had one of the biggest melt-downs in recent NFL history. That really hurt.

And all before the glow of a Raiders loss at started to diminish.

The Seahawks not only blew a 17-point lead. They blew a 17-point home lead against a division rival they have tried to pass for the past couple of years.

A special congratulations goes out to Seattle coach Mike Holmgren for making a complete fool out of himself once again. Many of you will remember Holmgren as the cowardly nerd that was beaten by the big bully Cowboys during the 1990s.

Now Holmgren is getting beaten up by fellow nerd, Mike Martz. Seriously, when Martz out coaches you, it's time to reconsider your chosen profession. This was supposed to be the year that Seattle broke through and made it to the Super Bowl. It's not going to happen. And Holmgren is the reason why.

San Diego Super Chargers
Answer this SAT question: The Chargers are to good public relations as Georgia Frontiere is to ___________.
a. A smart owner.
b. An attractive woman.
c. A murdering showgirl.
d. Both a & b.
The correct answer, of course, is d.

The Chargers don't a lot of things right. The Spanos goofs (as named by LA Times columnist T.J. Simers) are not good owners. They have turned the Chargers into the Cincinnati Bengals. The Chargers annually languish near the bottom of a league that is based on parity.

The one move that the Chargers could do to at least give an impression they care about the fans would be to switch (full time) to the powder blue uniforms. Everybody loves the powder blue.

But will the Chargers switch?

No. It's the Chargers. You know that eventually they will find a way to do the wrong thing. So expect the Chargers to be in navy blue for some time to come.

Or at least until they move to Los Angeles.

Chargers Uniform Note
The only knock against the Chargers uniforms is Chris Berman's gushing over them. When Berman talks about the Chargers powder blue uniforms, you get that same uncomfortable feeling as when you uncle starts talking about how attractive a 16-year old girl is.

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