Sunday, October 31, 2004

Raider Nation Not in Celebrating Mood

It's always Halloween for Raiders fans, who hide behind a cloak of anonymity in their spiked shoulder pads and face paint. And who could blame them following Sunday's nightmare performance by the Chargers who clobbered the Raiders, 42-10.

Raiders fans once again saw their season end at Qualcomm Stadium just like in Super Bowl XXXVII.

As much fun as it is to watch the humiliation of a middle-aged account trying to tap his inner badass by wearing a silver-and-black Pharaoh's head, there was still something missing.

Qualcomm Stadium was almost serene. There were only 38 arrests and 75 ejections from Sunday's game. And you thought the play on the field for the Raiders was bad. Even Jacksonville fans put up more of a fight than that.

Gone was the self-denial that has been the hallmark of Raiders fans everywhere. Gone was the boasting about the winningest franchise of the decades. Even in the local bars, the Raiders fans were defeated, choosing to slink in their chairs at the normally raucous Tustin Brewing Company instead of chiding Chargers fans about their inability to win the big one.

A caller on the Raiders postgame show even tried to pin this loss on Kerry Collins--who lost his tenth consecutive game dating back to last season--but you could tell that his heart wasn't into the typical Raider-like scapegoating. He knew his team is a lost cause.

The Raiders players, taking a cue of their morose fans wouldn't even engage in a war of words on the field.

"We're out there talking trash," Chargers linebacker Steve Foley said, "we're in their ears about everything and they would just turn and walk back the other way. I don't know what that meant."

It means the Raiders are done.


Baltimore linebacker Ray Lewis and Eagles receiver have developed quite a rivalry this year. The two exchanged a war of words in the summer over Owens blocked trade to Baltimore.

But you know the real hatred came from the fact that Lewis is the cover boy for Madden 2005, while Owens represents the NFL 2K5 video game.

On Sunday it escalated as Owens turned a football game into a remake of the epically bad movie, You Got Served as Owens stole Lewis' dances move following a touchdown reception.

You can beat the Ravens, but don't ever... ever steal Ray's moves.

"Don't be a coward and wait until you make one play to do something," Lewis said. "What's faltering is that he has me on his mind when he's at home. I expect that from women... "

And it's Jeff Garcia that has had his sexual orientation questioned?

But Lewis did raise and interesting point. Remember the quaint days when NFL players did manly things like cutting their car in half with a hacksaw? Now they are making like Gene Anthony Ray and practicing their dance moves. It's sad, really

What's next, Omar Epps stars as an NFL player who elicits the help of Jennifer Lopez to learn a few dance moves in Shall We Dance II? Terrell Owens singing, "I Love You Mannequin?"

Imagine how good TO might be if winning football games were his chief concern.


When it comes to excessive end zone celebrations, it's important to consult the expert, Deion Sanders.

"T.O.'s good for the game," Sanders said. "He brings a lot of flavor to a boring sport. I'm o.k. with it."

Thanks Deion. Don Hutson never danced in the end zone. Jerry Rice, for all of his faults, casually tossed the ball to the referee following a touchdown. Barry Sanders, after snapping the ankles of six defenders on the way to the end zone, followed suit.

They were not boring.


The Vikings look like they might have a relapse of last year's spin that took them from 6-0 to out of the playoffs. Look for Bill Murray to play Mike Tice in the movie, Ground Hog's Day 2.

And if you fantasy team is resting on the arm of Daunte Culpepper, good luck.

The Packers defeat the Redskins, and if history is any indicator, John Kerry will win the election on Tuesday. Look for Mark Brunnell to be at the inauguration.

And does a Philadelphia win bode well for Libertarian candidate Concrete Mike Bednarik?

The Patriots have their NFL-record winning streak snapped in Pittsburgh. Boston fans now have something to moan about again.

Ben Roethlisberger to be played by John Goodman in the movie of his life?

Jerry Rice has one reception in Seattle's victory over Carolina. Does Jerry get it yet? How many trades is he going to seek before he realizes that he's done? Call it the Steve Largent curse.

Chiefs improve to 3-4 with a victory over Indianapolis. Do you think that the Colts would be better served with Tee Martin as quarterback? Will that joke ever be funny? The answer to both questions, unfortunately, is probably not.

St. Louis does not lose to a winless team this week. Mike Martz was a genius on Sunday.

All of the Raiders fans, Violater, Darth Raider, GladiRaider, Parole-Escape Raider, all showed up in San Diego on Sunday. You would think, for Halloween they would try to dress up as real football fans.

Embattled Drew Brees throws five touchdowns against the Raiders Drew's your Daddy, Oakland.


Cowboys receiver Keyshawn Johnson said that he’d like to spank FOX reporter Pam Oliver with a ruler over a disputed sideline report last week in Dallas.

Oliver said that if Keyshawn ever tried to spank her she would "punch him in the face."

Can't these two kiss and make up like Joe Namath and Suzy Koebler?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Great call on Bednarik. I heard Dan Patrick run through the list of candidates, and they completely missed the fact that Bednarik deserved to be linked to the Eagles. I was yelling at the radio. Glad SOMEONE gets it! Keep up the great work.
-Troy McClure (MM)